I am beginning to think that independence can lead to isolation, if it does not lead to relationship.
Independence is something that we can cling to for so long that it can begin to harden us, and suddenly we become afraid of loss. All lessons on the joy of sharing are lost. It is then a matter of protecting this independence.
I will speak from my experience that I have begun to gain independence only recently. On a personal level that means increased self-sufficiency, a great acceptance of being alone, a stronger foundation, healthier relationships that I am not dependent on, financial security, and greater flexibility to help others. I have space in my life, both physical space in my home and a clearer mind. There is no one who needs me to feed them right now, and my schedule is up to me. That is all I know right now. I am sure there is much more to know about this power and freedom.
It is beautiful, necessary, and I am learning about power in the process. However, I’ve started to look at this as unstable in the long run. What is all this independence for? All I need to do is look at an elderly woman I know who “just can’t seem to live with people” and “likes her solitude”, yet has few resources to help her survive through hard times and expresses a lack of purpose in the world. I am worried about her.If we hold on the this independent phase in life, we can truly miss out on strong, life-holding relationships.
The catch is, you have to give your life to something. Does this sound threatening?
You’d have to be responsible.
“Here you not only make room in your life for other relationships, but you give your life in service.”-Thresholds
I ask myself periodically if I’m ready for this greater threshold. I have begun to feel protective of my new found freedom, as if I have discovered a secret that every person, every woman should know. Being alone and doing everything possible to support myself is new territory. Sure, I would have preferred it happened earlier, but there is no room for regret now.
From this cautious perspective, making plans can appear restrictive. Every interaction comes into question. I am concerned about being drained. But I know there must be people to whom I must give myself.
“Because we live in a culture that worships independence, many of us tend to demonize any degree of dependence and see it as weakness. In order to avoid the judgments of others (and ourselves) many of us try to conceal the dependence that is intrinsic to our nature as humans. We are, after all interdependent, social beings that require involvement with others in order to meet our intrinsic physical and emotional needs and to grow and thrive.” -The Myth of Independence
At this point, I do not even yet know what Interdependence will feel like. I expect only that I will be rightfully disillusioned from my fantasies and fears about it. Below, this quote exposes us to a greater view of the word “marriage”:
“True marriage is when you exchange a small self for the greater self without losing your individuality.” -Relationships and Higher Purpose
I crave interdependence. I have heard that God is the sum of all relationships- so who am I to stand apart?
On days when my mind is ready, when I am close to myself and feeling a sense of my world, existing in space among many, the concept of interdependence expands to include our nations and peoples.
“As humanity’s idea of itself changes, its social institutions and structures will change as well. Fundamentally, you will begin to see yourself as a member of your world, not simply as a member of a nation or of a group or of a religion or of a culture or of an extended family or of a political persuasion. All of these things will be overshadowed by the presence of the Greater Community, which will make them increasingly insignificant. As this realization is passed from one generation to another, national interests will change, with a greater emphasis on interdepence with other nations and on mutual survival and well-being.” -Greater Community Spirituality, Marshall Vian Summers
May we immerse ourselves in shared identity, only after passing through the strength-building rite of passage that is human independence.
May we lose our fear of joining, and walk into the hearts of others.
May we accept the blessing of the Great Love.
Hear this man, who has witnessed the voice of God, speak on the symptoms of being out of relationship, and has experienced a restoration through what is known to us as the New Message from God.